The World Cup.....of films, the quarter finals!

So from 32 national film institutions, we are down to just 8. let's play this out (is anyone actually reading this, I'm not sure what my format is here anymore, seems to be made up from game to game) and see who wins

Quarter finals

France vs USA

Les Bleus (France) run out in the smug knowledge that, like England with football, they are the country that invented cinema. encouraged by a protectionist government, their left of midfield style is immediately identifiable, spawning classics including The Umbrellas Of Cherbourg, The Passion Of Joan Of Arc and Bette Blue

The players, the ageing squad of Jean-Luc Goddard, Francois Truffant, Claude Charbrol and Eric Rohmer is gradually being replaced with fresh, more action-oriented blood including Jean-Pierre Jeunet (Amelie, if you haven't seen this film, although in French, don't let that stop you, it is masterful), Audrey Tatou (Amelie, The Da Vinci Code) and Louis Leterrier (The Incredible Hulk) and the multimillion pound playmaker director, Luc Besson (Leon, The Fifth Element, Arthur And The Invisibles).

Strengths, Thorough yet subtle understanding of character, taut plotting and rich narrative plus some unabashed reliance on nudity (Emmanuelle anyone?). They are also no big fans of American cinema.

Weaknesses, Following a tradition that takes self-obsession to a new level, the French assume everyone is interested in them.....but at least do it in style. Thankfully, the yawn-inducing Rohmer-encouraged culture of interminable naval-gazing is now in extra time.

Star of the team, French cinema's own Bobby Charlton, the evergreen Godard

and so we now get to salute Uncle Sam's finest, this global cinematic leviathon is the side to beat, an all conquering, straight-shooting, highly-efficient machine that has little time for players who depart from tried and tested formula, from Disney to De Palma, the Yanks ARE the big league.

The players, A huge squad of players is always available for selection, with the likes of Quentin Tarantino, Francis Ford Coppola ,Martin Scorsese and George Lucas always guaranteed a place in the starting line up.

Strengths, Sheer size and power go a long way and there's room for movie mavericks like Steven Soderbergh and David Lynch to shake up the play at set pieces.

Weaknesses, Over confidence and the action film by the book predictability could mean the Yanks trip up, plus any Adam Sandler or Wayans brothers films.

Star of the team, the greatest of all time? Stephen Spielberg.

Against most other countries, France would of strolled through to the semi's but the USA are too strong and powerful, Jean Reno, Gerard Depardieu and Audrey Tatou all defecting Stateside to make movies mean USA progress winning 3-1

Japan vs Switzerland

Eleven samurai would of been better but with their seven, let's run a rule over the Japanese, the 1950's saw immense classics like Tokyo Story, Seven Samurai and Rashomon, this may of been the peak of Japanese cinema but they still come strongly to rattle defences with J-horror and anime.

The players, senior strikers Takeshi Kitano (Zatoichi) and Hideo Nakata (Ringu, Dark Water) are joined by veteran animator Hayao Miyazaki, who was tempted out of retirement to make Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle.

Strengths, Material so original, especially with J-horror, that the Americans can have no hesitations in stealing it for themselves.

Weaknesses, Nothing too major, getting outlets in the west for their movies is main thing, other than that Japanese cinema is enjoying a second golden age

Star of the team, Hideo Nakata, providing even more scares than some of Wayne Rooney's former 'girlfriends'

The Swiss aren't noted for cinema, having a few name actors is one thing, producing head turning cinema is another

The players, Ursula Andress, Yul Brynner and Bruno Ganz, few names players with pretty much one big game behind them, still enough to cause concern

Strengths, able to pull of a shock, see Bruno Ganz in Downfall, absolutely ,mesmerising performance

Weaknesses, bit part players in the global frame of cinema, plus don't produce home grown movies of any huge note

Star of the team, Fredi M. Murer, director of Vitus in 2007 and Hohenfeuer in 1985

This result has to go as expected, the Japanese are far too strong and end up showing mercy by only winning 5-0

Mexico vs England

The Mexicans have long lived in the shadow of their pioneering neighbours to the north and have the occasional break out actor and in recent years have made huge in roads in directing major Hollywood movies.

The players, Anthony Quinn won the Oscar for best supporting actor twice, Katy Jurado starred opposite Elvis in Stay Away Joe, Salma Hayek, Gael Garcia Bernal are two names known globally and Alfonso Cuaron who directed a Harry Potter movie and Children Of Men should be noted, the Mexicans are getting stronger year on year

Strengths, not so much the acting talent as the directing talent, from Robert Rodriguez's Mexican debut El Mariachi, Cuaron's Y Tu Mama Tambien, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's 21 Grams or Babel and arguably the greatest director working today, Guillermo Del Toro (Cronos, Mimic, The Devil's Backbone, Blade 2, Hellboy 1 & 2 and El Labertino del Fauno aka Pan's Labyrinth)

Weaknesses, newcomers to the global stage of cinema, occasionally have a break out star but until the mid 90's haven't been a major player and their cinema though gritty and dramatic, lacks the passion and creativity you would expect it to have.

Star of the team, Guillermo del Toro, the master of movie making right now, his vision for characters even surpasses Tim Burton's imagination

Let's focus on the English, decades of underachievement, England always present a talented squad of players, even if they seem incapable of reaching the top flight, Guy Ritchie has recently hit a patch of form (RocknRolla, Sherlock Holmes), Nick Park (Wallace And Gromit) and Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, Slumdog Millionaire) are all safe hands

The players, old stagers like Mike Leigh (Vera Drake (oddly, i watched this film at the cinema with my grandma!), Secrets & Lies) and Ken Loach (The Wind That Shakes The Barley, Looking For Eric) are always guaranteed a run out but it's the likes of Paul Greengrass (The Bourne series, United 93), Shane Meadows (This Is England) and Edgar Wright (Shaun Of The Dead, Hot Fuzz) who are blazing a trail, though after The Boat That Rocked, Richard Curtis is dropped

Strengths, the ability to shoot and score on the international scene, unequalled technical skill and the ability to make very little go a long way (Roger Moore)

Weaknesses, terminal lack of self belief, plus an over-reliance on the formulaic 'geezer' shoot em ups, Danny Dyer and the Carry On films

Star of the team, arguably the greatest of all time, Alfred Hitchcock

Current records show that del Toro will be stiff opposition but in Chris Nolan (The Dark Knight), England have nothing to worry about and win a tight affair 1-0

New Zealand vs Spain

A country famed for it's beauty, used as a backdrop to many major films but outside of that, what does New Zealand have to offer?

The players, Anna Paquin (raised in New Zealand from the age of four), Russell Crowe, Sam Neill and Keisha Castle-Hughes (the youngest ever person nominated for 'best leading actress' at the Oscars for Whale Rider)

Strengths, few heavyweight actors and stand out performances, the main man is Peter Jackson (Lord Of The Rings, King Kong, Braindead, The Frighteners, Bad Taste), an immense talent who commands the cinematic world at will

Weaknesses, lack of consistency before Jackson, plus not many films come out of the country that really grab the attention of the world.

Star of the team, Peter Jackson, the David Beckham of the movie world who curled one into the top corner with the immense Lord Of The Rings trilogy

La Furia Espanola are on a creative winning streak, thanks mainly to one man, Pedro Almodovar, the colourful Iberian playmaker introduced a new verve and dynamism missing from the national scene since the rule of Franco with films like Women On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown and Talk To Her.

The players, including Almodovar, horror-meister Rodrigo Cortes (Dirt Devil, Buried), Juame Balaguero and Placo Plaza ([REC], [REC] 2), all marshalled by veteran midfield general Luis Bunuel

Strengths, With the likes of The Orphanage, Pan's Labyrinth and [REC], horror appears to be Spain's strongest suit while actors busy on the international transfer market include Penelope Cruz (Blow, Vanilla Sky), Antonio Banderas (Shrek movies, Desperado) and Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men)

Weaknesses, porn film-making is bigger than traditional film making, lack of finance is a huge issue

Star of the team, Pedro Almodovar

both countries have a weak history on the global stage, but some big names in recent times, the man who directed Lord Of The Rings steals the show in a 4-3 win for New Zealand!

The World Cup.....of films, the 2nd round

Continuing the World Cup of films, it's the knock out stages....

2nd Round

France vs Argentina

Impish forward Audrey Tatou, putting the nightmare of The Da Vinci Code behind her, has the crowd captivated alongside former footballer Eric Cantona, this is a line up better than the real French squad as they include Gerard Depardieu, Jean Reno and Bridgette Bardot. Managed by Francois Traffaut. Argentina only really have Gabriel Goity (no, me neither) as a household name and France romp home to an easy 5-0 win

Man of the match, Gerard Depardieu, scoring one goal off his big nose that was used in Bergerac

USA vs Australia

The gurning Oz croc wrestler was no match for a vengeful Sicilian mafia boss who dealt with those who crossed him (or crossed poorly) with Seabiscuit's head in their bed. Alongside an Aussie strike team that also consisted of Babe and Moulin Rouge, it was always going to be a one-sided contest as the likes of Darth Vader, Marty McFly, Rhett Butler, Batman and Luke (with his Cool Hand in goal). The Americans showboat their way through, winning 7-0, Indiana Jones getting 4 of them.

Man Of The Match, manager Don Corleone, Italian at birth but the Americans welcome him as he advises how the enemy will move around his players

Japan vs Italy

The Japanese masters against the skillful Italians. First Italy, managed by the great Sergio Leone (The Good, The Bad And The Ugly), with the likes of Vincent D'Onforio (Full Metal Jacket) and Roberto Benigni.

Japan have the big guns, manager Akira Kurosawa (The Seven Samurai) picks an all star team of his Seven Samurai, Zatoichi, the girl from The Ring, Atsuko from Ghost In The Shell and Godzilla.
As hard as the Italians work, Godzilla not getting sent off for eating Ennio Morricone in the first few minutes causes a huge outcry as Japan go on to win 3-0

Man Of The Match, Godzilla (had to say that or I'd be eaten next)

Brazil vs Switzerland

The Swiss, managed by Yul Brynner, have high hopes coming into the game against Brazil who are managed by Fernando Meirelles who uses the kids from his hit City Of God to face a Swiss team consisting of Bruno Ganz and Ursula Andress, it's red a card for Andress who uses her bikini from Dr. No. to take the concentration away from the Brazil boys who have hit puberty and Ganz scores a comfortable hat-trick against the underperforming Brazilians

Man Of The Match, number Nein, Bruno Ganz

South Korea vs Mexico

Mexican film maker Alfonso Cuaron manages a side with the likes of Guillermo del Toro in goal with Anthony Quinn (Lawrence Of Arabia, The Guns Of Navarone) in defence, Salma Hayek (Wild Wild West, Dogma, Desperado) in midfield and the twin strikers of Gael Garcia Bernal (Babel, The Motorcycle Diaries, plays Ronaldo in the new Nike ad) and Diego Luna (The Terminal, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Milk).

The Koreans are managed by Jang Dong-gun (Nowhere To Hide).The Mexicans are just far too strong for the Koreans, easy coming to a 4-0 win

Man Of The Match, Alfonso Cuaron (for getting expelled from film school)

Germany vs England

Two nations with plenty of history, not all on the football field. Both countries with long traditions in film, almost too similar to call. Managed by former midfield general Fritz Lang, Germany have an tough hardworking side against and England side managed by Sir Alfred Hitchcock with Michael Caine in attack, his skills from Escape To Victory prove invaluable as England take an early lead, yet Germany fight back, the robot from Metroplis dispatching a penalty conceded by Danny 'facking' Dyer (Football Factory) on Germany's Thomas Kretschmann (The Piano, King Kong, Downfall, Wanted, Valkyrie). With both teams equal, just before half time, German midfielder Klaus Kinski (Nosferatu The Vampyre, Aguirre:The Wrath Of God). Leading 2-1 at half time, the Germans have left England it all to do.
With Richard Attenborough giving a Bobby Moore like defensive display, the Germans can't find a break through for a 3rd and Laurence Olivier dispossess Frank Potente (Blow, The Bourne Identity) and a through ball to James Bond (Roger Moore/Daniel Craig) takes the ball round the 'keeper to level the scores.

The game is level at 2-2, similar to the World Cup final in '66 but before the referee blows for extra time, with one last corner for England, David Niven swings it in and James Bond (Roger Moore/Daniel Craig) rises above the German defence to head the ball against the bar, the ball hits the line and bounces clear but the Russian linesman (Anton Yelchin (Star Trek, Terminator Salvation)) raises his flag to give the goal and England sneak it!!!! 3-2

Man Of The Match, James Bond (Roger Moore/Daniel Craig) (licensed to skill)

New Zealand vs Netherlands

The lush New Zealand countryside against the uncompromising Dutch. The Dutch lead with varied documentaries and on the big stage are a one man team led by Paul Vorhoeven who leads a team of RoboCop, bug from Starship Troopers and the three titted lady from total Recall but they simply don't have the quality (or pace if you bring this back to realism). New Zealand, despite showing a naked Harvey Keitel in The Piano which doesn't help, have so many recent big guns and are the form team, Aslan, Gollum and King Kong battle on as a strong team struggle to break the Dutch down, winning on penalties to go through to leave New Zealand manager Sam Neil a happy man.

Man Of The Match, the WETA production team


Spain vs Portugal

At 101, Portuguese director Manoel de Oliveira is not the youngest pair of legs to have on the pitch but his 1993 drama Abraham's Valley scores a screamer early on from outside the box. Spain fight back with the big guns coming forward, Volver equalising before half time and the cinematic finesse of Pedro Almodovar takes the game into Spain's favour, and Spanish favourite Penolpe Cruz eases the Spanish into the next round, final score 3-1.

Man of the match, Pedro Almodavar

The World Cup.....of films!

For those that don't like the football side of the World Cup, let's take a look at doing the World Cup with a movie theme. Movie minnows come up against giants of the industry, first the group stages

Group A

South Africa

Mexico

Uruguay
France

This is a tough group, hosts South Africa have some class with movies like Tsotsi and the Oscar nominated District 9 (reassuring to see the South African governament are doing a good job in district 9, i haven't seen any alien shrimp causing trouble in the World Cup yet). however, they are up against France, whose own footballing wonderking Eric Cantona played himself in Looking For Eric though France has the immense catalogue of movies like Breathless, 8 Women, Belle Et De Beast and La Femme Nikita. France take the group quite easily. Mexico has it's own traditions and directors like Alfonso Cuaraon (Y Tu Mama Tambien and Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban) and arguably the most talented director right now, Guillermo Del Toro, director of the Hellboy movies, Pan's Labyrinth and Chronos. In comparison, Urugauy winning is as likely as Liverpool winning the Premiership.

Qualifiers, France and Mexico

Group B

Argentina

Nigeria

Republic Of Korea

Greece

Little fancied Nigeria is the second biggest film producer in the world in terms of numbers of movies produced....though most of them fall into the highly localised Nollywood tradition. Argentina on the other hand has a proven major international player with films including El Secreto De Sues Ojos. The Koreans have some major hits up their sleeves including Hollywood remade A Tale Of Two Sisters and director Chan-wook Park's movies such as Oldboy, Lady Vengeance and Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance. And it has been several decades since Greece's golden age.

Qualifiers, Korea and Argentina

Group C

England

United States

Algeria

Slovenia

Movie minnows Algeria and Slovenia will be knocked out by two of the globe's cinema big boys. The all conquering USA with it's Hollywood industry, they gave us The Shawshank Redemption, Star Wars (with all the crazy Star Wars fans out there, you would think there would be more kids called Anakin, it's probably due to the fact that Star Wars fanatics don't get to have sex), Casablanca et al. But Britain's noble tradition of underdogs coming good (Ken Loach, Mike Leigh, Danny Boyle) try to fight of the American attack but the all glitz and glamour USA take the group.

Qualifiers, USA and England

Group D

Germany

Australia

Serbia

Ghana

The nation that bought us Metrpolis in 1926 has in recent years given us The Lives Of Others and Downfall. Down under, the glory days of Babe, Crocodile and Priscilla:Queen Of The Desert seem a few years ago but recent efforts like Wolf Creek remind us of the talent they have and stars like Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett and Hugh Jackman. Milla Jovavich is the playmaker for Serbian cinema while Ghana enjoys one of the most uncensoring governments in Africa.

Qualifiers, Germany, Australia

Group E

Netherlands

Denmark

Japan
Cameroon

Thanks to leading super-striker Paul Vorhoevan, cinema flourished in Holland in the 70's with hits like Soldier Of Orange and Diary Of A Hooker, while he made many huge movies in Hollywood in the 80's and 90's (RoboCop (why didn't the bad guys just shoot him in the mouth?), Total Recall, Basic Instinct, Showgirls, Starship Troopers, Hollow Man), it should be mentioned his 2006 home return of Black Book is an immense film to be enjoyed (well, maybe enjoyed isn't the correct word). Dutch homegrown talent includes Rutger Hauer (Blade Runner), Famke Janssen (X-Men trilogy) and Carice van Houten (Valkyrie). Denmark has the ability to wrongfoot opposition with directors such as Lars Von Trier (Dogville, Antichrist) and Susanne Bier (Things We Lost In The Fire) but they are overtaken by Japan, who's' range of anime (Ghost In The Shell (The Matrix hugely ripped this off)) and horror (The Ring trilogy, Battle Royale, Seven Samurai) make them a current and historically big players.

Qualifiers, Japan, Holland

Group F

Italy

Paraguay

New Zealand

Slovakia

After an artisitc crisis in the 80's, the Italians came powering back with the lies of Roberto Benigni's Life Is Beautiful (won 3 Oscars and was in category for Best picture as well) and Nanni Moretti's The Son's Room. However, New Zealand is used for stunning backdrops in movies like The Piano, Once Were Warriors, The Chronicles Of Narnia and the huge Lord Of The Rings trilogy, ensuring home grown Peter Jackson is Hollywood royalty going on to make the remake of King Kong. Slovakia has never really repeated it's 1960's golden era (The Boxer and Death, The Shop On Main Street) while Paraguay has yet to make a mark compared to other south American countries.

Qualifiers, New Zealand, Italy

Group G

Brazil

Korea DPR

Ivory Coast

Portugal

Devoloping a reputation for such hard hitting and gritty dramas as Bus 174, Elite Squad and of course the immense City Of God, Brazil has a few heavy hitters to take on the world stage. An unlikely opponent is the strange communist country of Korea DPR, whose SEK studio has preformed animation for Disney films such as The Lion King and Pocohontas, though these are predominantly American films, second place goes to Portugal, with 101 year old Manoel de Oliveira still making films and films like A Suspeita and No Quanto da Vanda making their originality take them through

Qualifiers, Brazil & Portugal

Group H

Spain

Switzerland

Honduras

Chile

The Swiss attack is led by Maximillian Schnell, Ursula Andress and Bruno Ganz but the bookies favourites here is the ever improving Spanish who have provided some of the most exciting European cinema over the past few years. Pedro Almodovar (Broken Embraces, Volver) on the wing for Spain and Juan Antonio Bayona (The Orphanage) as a holding midfielder and Jaume Balaguero [Rec] as a sweeper, Spain would romp the group, Spanish cinema is enjoying a renaissance. Chile has a small industry but is dwarfed by it's Latin American neighbours.

Qualifiers, Spain & Switzerland

Tomorrow in the knock out stages see's the following:-

France vs Argentina

South Korea vs Mexico

USA vs Australia

Germany vs England

Japan vs Italy

New Zealand vs Holland

Brazil vs Switzerland

Spain vs Portugal

Who's worse, England or France?

sorry for the last few days, i was away and unable to blog but I'm back and.....well, a bit disappointed, we all like to see the underdog achieve against the odds, but do we like to see them ALL achieve against the odds?

Over the past few days, other than England's dismal display against the 'might' of Algeria, the farcical France team has been a soap opera worthy of WWE! he argues, he's told to go home, the squad revolt (careful boys, last time you had a revolution, the guillotine was used more than enough) and won't train (it's like they've just given up, history repeating itself), it's great fun to watch them implode.

After winning the trophy on home soil in '98, 4 years later as holders they infamously exited at the first round without a win yet 4 years ago, a Zidane inspired team only missed out on lifting the trophy again as Zidane had a err....dizzy spell!?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAjWi663kXc so this is a team that forever fluctuates from tournament to tournament but to say there was harmony going into the competition is a huge understatement, knowing the players had grown disillusioned under Domenech it was announced before a ball was kicked that former player Laurent Blanc would take over, how can players show respect and passion for someone they know is being forced to leave? surely this proves they should of installed the new manager before their first game.......but if you ask an Irishman, this is all karma.

It's just a shame the players will be flying home so soon as England may need the same flight.

And as the tournament goes on, the footballers are still moaning about playing at altitude and the Jublani! yet Peter Crouch always plays at altitude and Lance Armstrong was able to win the Tour De France with a dodgy ball!

What's better than the World Cup? the World Cup in Lego!!!

With the dust now finally settling on the England USA game, just one more final thing to add. The Guardian have recreated the highlights in glorious Lego!!!! I feel it is my duty to share as this thing is superb! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iEkp_t7CnA

I love the attention to detail, like how all the numbers are correct and the movement of all the players is recreated perfectly and i WANT that little stadium soooo much, yet the shirts are glued on semi-amateurishly. But just got to love the smiley faces, the unchanging smiley faces. To see Robert Green commit that error again in Lego (no wonder he didn't save the giant ball with his tiny hands), then bury his head in the floor like he did this past Saturday is impressive, but to see him lift up his head and reveal that manic smile just gives it an extra edge.

Also to see in Lego, Germany 4-0 Australia http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MNgh-QbSQ0

the Zidane headbutt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etJzEIIaM3U

the 74 final (Germany vs Netherlands) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1C3xpbXHoTE

some match between England and France (the 'ref' makes it for me) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3b5q5cwYbzc&feature=related

Day 3 and what's worse, those horns or the ball?

I am really enjoying the World Cup as are many other but i do have two major complaints, the noise of the vuvuzuela and the flight of the Adidas Jublani ball.

For the uninitiated, the vuvuzuelas are the plastic horns the fans are blowing at the stadium that sound like a swarm of flies (and what do flies swarm round?). Some fans have complained and many people watching on tv have complained and now even the players are unhappy. France captain Patrice Evra is definatly not a fan,

"We can't sleep at night because of the vuvuzuelas. People start playing them from 6a.m. We can't hear on another out on the pitch"

World Cup organising committee boss Danny Jordaan has admitted that banning the vuvuzuela is a possibility but can they stop and search every fan for plastic horns (good job Jordan isn't attending matches)?

On the other hand, the match ball. The Adidas Jublani ball that's been manufactured specially for this tournament. Multiple goalkeepers have complained about the odd flight of the ball and we've already seen more than one goalkeeping disaster which may or may not of been the Jublani's fault.....but FIFA has contractual obligations with Adidas so as money is involved, we won't see a change of the ball, let's hope the tournament isn't remembered for the ball and plastic horns.

Another thing to address is the amount of sending off's, three games today and three more sending's off, it seems either players haven't paid attention to warning before the tournament or referees are interpreting the rules individually.

Today's first game saw England's fellow group members Algeria face Slovenia in a match Slovenia impressed in getting a 1-0 from captain and former West Brom player Robert Koren (the goal was another long range effort where the ball bounced just before the 'keeper and they seemed to miss it entirely, while this may make England's Robert Green feel better, you have to seriously wonder about this ball, if i was to mean a team lost the final, is that fair/), it's no coincidence that after Algerian Abdelkader Chezzal was sent off, Slovenia scored, the favourites Algeria just never seemed interesting whereas the Slovenians played with all the passion expected at the World Cup, expect them to cause a few problems against the England midfield.

The big game of the day for me was Ghana vs Serbia and it followed the pattern of most games so far, slow build up play and one team screws up and has a player sent off, the other team wins, Lukovic may be unlucky to of been sent off for his two yellow cards but Ghana worked the harder and Serbia will find it hard to get out the group now after this defeat, they lack flair and a creative spark and Ghana could be THE African nation to watch.

The main event saw Germany (ironic they seemed so strong on the right wing) hammer poor Australia, if this was a boxing match, the referee would of stopped it well before the final whistle and 4-0 scoreline, the Aussies sadly just didn't seem on the same level as the much depleted German team, having Tim Cahill sent off means in my opinion they are highly unlucky to get through the group with him missing the next game against Ghana, people may get carried away with the German performance but the Australians were poor, i expected more from them.

England fail to get the Rob of the Green

Police have announced that reports of a large popping sound over the whole of England is nothing to be concerned about - it's just the sound of millions of England fan's bubbles bursting.....

The most anticipated game for England in four long, LONG years, one marked by optimism and hope and all those other nasty words that lead down the inevitable road to tears.


So it began, Steven Gerrard meeting expectations before Robert Green made a calamitous mistake (unless your American obviously), this is one spill they won't mind coming from us. The Robert Green jokes will fly around text messages for the next few days so no real reason to add to that (okay, just one, Steven Gerrard says the whole team are behind Rob Green, in retrospect, that's a good place to stand)



Let's look at the positives.....the referee had a good game. Though seriously, it wasn't that bad of a performance and England should of won, though they created a couple of chances, England were a far superior side for skill and possession, patient build up play that didn't work this time as the Americans did their homework and pushed Rooney wide, leaving Heskey in the centre, Lampard should of been in that space....but where was he? don't blame Green, if blame is to be pointed it's at the player that once again in the big games for England, dissappeared! It's hard to fault the other players, Heskey worked tirelessly and if he had his shooting boots (last seen in Leicester in 2000) it would of been so different. Gerrard led by example, winning the ball, playing the ball and making space, it's his hard work that led to the goal. On the wing Lennon was overawed by the occasion and the fullbacks stopped his runs, he had his moments though Milner was shameful tonight, he'll be lucky to play again in this tournament and he knows it, Wright-Phillips was pretty much the same as Lennon, tried but was closed down. In defence, Ashley Cole and Glen Johnson were restricted in getting forward, it's no coincidence that when USA broke Glen Johnson was out of position, decent games by John Terry and Ledley King were needed, there was no panic in the England penalty box.



The point is this, bar Green's mistake, he only had one real save to make and he did it well. USA worked hard in this game, personally i felt the pace of Jermain Defoe would of been more effective in the final 20 minutes than whatever Peter Crouch was meant to offer, the USA back line was pushing further forward (allowing Heskey to go for the world record in offsides, currently held by Italy's Fillipo Inzaghi in any international game he played), Defoe would of frightened them, Crouch only humoured them (this country has professional wrestling, Peter Crouch is just an anorexic wrestler to them). The Americans forced Rooney wide and didn't allow him time or space to play and they simply didn't allow England to control the flanks, yet England still should of won and that's a good sign. The USA played the game of their lives, they worked so hard for this point and England HAVE to take confidence from that, a win would of been good, a defeat unforgivable but a draw brings us back down to earth, if England are to win, it won't be at a stroll, if lessons are learnt now, it's better than in the knockout stages. In Fabio we must trust.

and at least Al Qaeda didn't make an appearance

After Heinze's goal, Nigeria were always playing ketchup.....

So, day two and two games down, England vs USA to go.

First the South Korea vs Greece game, not a spectacle of football but was good to see the ever efficient Koreans get underway, but it has to be wondered if the Greeks had even prepared, they looked shattered (like their plates at a wedding) in the final 20 minutes and look to be going out without a whimper. How the Koreans will fare against the Argentinians and Nigerians in the next two games will be very interesting.

Finally, El Diego returned to the world Cup stage 16 years after leaving in disgrace as a player. Sporting a fine beard (how much does this man want to turn into Che Guevara?), his Argentinians coped well against a Nigeria side clearly lacking creativity, on another day it could of been different but Messi is a fine player but while Maradona's men dominated, they failed to convince ( I was lucky enough to watch this with a Nigerian friend, from not expecting a thing from the game to believing in the last 5 minutes they were destined to score shows the drama of the tournament), the Greeks shouldn't pose a threat but the South Koreans will be harder to break down in their next game.

Anyway, quick blog to bring things up to date before the Al Qaeda dream of USA vs England

Day 1 - Great goal, first sending off and France underperforming

After years, months and weeks of patiently waiting, today was the day that World Cup 2010 began in the colourful country of South Africa.

With the dubious game of South Africa vs Mexico to start followed what looked by a main course of Uruguay vs France, it promised to be a good opening day and ended with a Roger Milla 2010 goal celebration award and Thierry Henry at the centre of a handball controversy (football can be so ironic when it wants to be)

On the down side, France vs Uruguay as one of the most dire games to ever grace the World Cup stage.....and the South Africans have invented a musical 'instrument' that rivals the bagpipes on the annoyingness scale.

The opening game featuring the hosts, really looked up against it the first half and if Mexico had a natural finisher, they would be a side to be feared, yet it was South Africa who made the break through, Tshabalala (that is a man's actual name, not a Teletubbies) scoring a blinding goal (and if anyone can explain that celebration, please let me knowhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVWUHW3Mk5Y)to set the tournament on it's way and though Mexico had more than enough moments to score, it was old faithful Rafa Marquez, the centre back, who tapped in to make it 1-1http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVOBOEVSBU8. South Africa having the opportunity to win it in the last minute, hitting the outside of the post but the crowds (and in fact my own) reaction to what could of been a glorious start for the home side reminds just how special this tournament truly is.

France (was their all white kit made from leftover flags from the war?), for all their talented players, simply aren't a team, arguing amongst themselves and their manager, they simply seem a side making up numbers before going home when it'll be all change when Laurent Blanc takes the reins as head coach (why this was announced before the tournament i don't know, only serves to dishearten the team). Uruguay looked sprightly and made a decent effort and troubled the French and it will be interesting to see them in the two further games (i have a great money making scheme, buy loads of blank dvd's and sell them as highlights of this game).

Each team has one point, on Wednesday South Africa face Uruguay and the following day France go head to head with Mexico, if a team wins in these games they will be strongly fancied to go through (come on Mexico!!!)

But there is plenty to be optimistic about, the stadiums and the pitches looked absolutely superb, the crowds certainly up for it and Argentina and England (John Terry's form away from home has been excellent this year) get their campaigns underway tomorrow

A beginners guide to the World Cuo

This is a series of questions about the big event, slightly tongue-in-cheek, but hopefully informative too.

When is the World Cup?

Starts this Friday, from June 11th until July 11th

Where is the World Cup being held?

South Africa, it's the first World Cup to be hosted by an African country

Is South Africa the Nelson Mandela country?

Yes, it is

Will the World Cup be on TV?

Of course, in the UK it's live on BBC and ITV in glorious HD, in the US, it's on ESPN

How many teams are their in the World Cup?

There will be 32 teams in total, separated into 8 groups of 4 to start with

How many games will be played per day?

Three, to begin with for each teams first two games, then two a day after that

Who's the favourite to win the World Cup?

Brazil and Spain are the teams with the shortest odds

Can i bet on it?

Yes, from top goalscorer to who will referee the final

How does this World Cup work then?

The 32 teams are divided into 8 groups of four, each group plays a round robin with three points for a win, one point for a draw and zero for being beat. The top two teams from each group progress to the next round where it's single elimination

Wait!....single elimination? Isn't football full of draws?

Not in the knockout rounds my friend, from the second round of the World Cup onwards, the teams play 90 minutes, if the score is level, they play 30 minutes of 'extra time', if the scores are still level after that, penalty kicks are taken to decide the winner. England have the worst record for for losing in penalty shootouts

Will David Beckham be playing in the World Cup?

No, he's injured

How about Pele?

No, he's retired

How about the headbutt guy from last time?

Zinedine Zidane? no, he retired too, his last game was that 2006 World Cup final

So....no Beckham, no Pele, no headbutt guy, which players are worth watching at the World Cup then?

Leo Messi of Argentina is the current holder of world footballer of the year, Cristiano Ronaldo of Portugal always excites, Wayne Rooney of England plays like a kid after drinking a gallon of Sunny Delight, Kaka, Samuel Eto'o, Didier Drogba, Arjen Robben, Franck Ribery, Xavi Hernandez, Peter Crouch.....okay, take your pick but not Peter Crouch, with some games in 3D, you may think a daddy long legs is in front of the screen

Who should i support at the World Cup?

Preferably your home country, if they haven't qualified, take your pick of the others

Which World Cup games should i watch?

Everything from the Second Round onwards has the potential for heart-stopping drama. In the group stage, some of the games to watch are South Africa vs Mexico (June 11th), the colonial revenge matches: USA vs England (June 12th), Portugal vs Brazil (June 25th) and anything involving Argentina because Maradona is their coach and Messi is their star player

Are there any Colombian singers involved in all of this?

What an odd question, but yes, as it happens Shakira is singing the official song of World Cup 2010

Why don't Americans like 'soccer'?

Why don't Americans like soccer?

With U.S.A. competing in their 5th finals in a row (England are only playing in their fourth after ironically failing to qualify for USA '94) and a team ranked 14th in the world by FIFA (not to mention the largest bonus scheme for the event for any nation in World Cup history, potentially worth $20.6m of $895,000 per player for winning the tournament (about £620,000), I'm taking a look at why a country with such a large base to pick players (population approximately 309m), evidently a large money figure to improve players and training complexes, this is a country that could be a world leader in the world's most popular sport, yet they choose not to have an interest.

Despite decades of strenuous efforts to promote soccer to American youth and sports fans and despite the phenomenal success of the American women's soccer team in international competition, 'soccer' remains the neglected stepchild of the American sports scene. The fact the country don't progress past the group stages hardly raises an eyebrow within the nation, compare this to the black cloud that descended over the country when the American men's basketball team failed to win the gold medal at the 2004 Olympics.

So why don't Americans like 'soccer'? there appear to be two basic explanations, the first is 'marketplace' as sports in this country are filled with baseball, basketball, American football and to a lesser degree, ice hockey, leaving no room for popularity to grow. Andrei Markovits, the Boston Globe's soccer correspondent wrote;-

'America filled its own sports space with three games thus 'crowding out' soccer's chances of becoming part of America's sports culture'

I'm not convinced, marketplaces are inherently dynamic, if 'soccer' were a worthy object of American sports fans interests, it would enjoy greater popularity.....but it doesn't. Which brings me to the second common explanation for it's lack of popularity and the answer i get when asking most Americans why they aren't excited about the World Cup, " 'soccer' is boring". They like high scoring games (basketball scores are rarely under 100, American football has high scores) but in my opinion, a goal scored in football is rarer than a 'touchdown' and even rarer compared to a 'slam dunk', so what that elusive goal is scored, ear shattering howls of euphoria erupt from players, announcers and fans alike, as if their very souls were being released from the depths of hell, compared to a '2 pointer' in basketball which gets another round of applause.

Goals are indeed a rare commodity in 'soccer', so much so that 'soccer' is essentially, a zero sum game. The number of goals is meager, it never grows (a 4-0 thrashing isn't all that common), so games are fought over an intensity that is almost never found in American sports, this isn't boring, it's just deeply unsatisfying to Americans brought up on deskilled levels of competitive games where the final result isn't applauded as much as in 'soccer'.

The fact of the matter is, Americans don't subscribe to the 'zero sum' mentality, nor have the belief system nor the temperament for such an endless sport as 'soccer', they like their sports teams to score and to score plenty, they believe this gives value to their 'buck', why labour for the sake of labouring, it's perhaps a lack of sophistication or maybe a large enjoyment of exceptionalism, needing goals galore to gain any enjoyment, whatever it is, i feel it's a shame that such a patriotic nation won't be fully behind a team and able to take joy at competing with the world's best, their interior sports (baseball has the World Series, well......American teams take part as only really America plays baseball, same with American football, a few small pockets of people may play the sport but most nations would play rugby instead) meaning they only compete against themselves. Maybe this tournament will catch the public eye, it can only be for the benefit of the sport if it does.

Now, let's look at what some of the American celebrity's are saying about the tournament, High School Musical star Zac Effron said he can't wait for the States' game on Saturday....against Manchester United!

Actor Jason Segel (Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Slackers) called the England team 'the UK' and got his dates wrong saying 'my best friend is British and left the room crying five years ago during the World Cup'

Jackie Chan said his favourites to win are 'Barcelona and Milan'

I approached wrestling personality Jeremy Borash to do an interview for the blog, the reply i got back on 31st May, 12 days before a ball is even kicked, was 'sorry for the delay, hope you enjoyed the World Cup!'

Other stars like Eva Mendes and Vanessa Hudgens had no idea the tournament was about to start but to give him credit, rapper Snoop Dog was more knowledgeable, saying 'I believe Brazil are going to win'

Just how big is that Golden Boot?!

What have Gerd Muller, Gary Linekar, Ronaldo and Eusebio got in common? well, other than being World Cup icons and synonymous with the art of goalscoring, they are all proud recipients of the Golden Boot, the FIFA award for the World Cup's top scorer.

With the amount of awards dished out at the end of the World Cup (seemingly growing with every tournament, currently with 6!!! such as awards for Goalkeepers, young players, most entertaining team (why?)) and the prestige of these awards being diminished (the first World Cup All Star team featured 11 players, one for each position, the 2006 World Cup all star team had 23 players! featuring 9 midfielders!!!) so the Golden Boot remains the purest form of recognition for the world's most potent striker and the one any attacking player wishes to win. But it is just an award, does it really matter? 'As long as the team wins' is the typical response given by any striker but seeing Didier Drogba's reaction to being denied a penalty at the end of the season to claim the Premier League Golden Boot award shows just how important these accolades are to players.

So who will win the coveted prize this time around? well, previous Golden boot winners have fallen into one of 4 categories:-

The Genuinely Great Golden Boot Gods

players that won the boot and were expected to before the tournament;-

Sandor Kocsis of Hungary who scored 11 goals in 1954

Just Fontaine of France with 13 goals (a record not likely to be broken) in 1958

Euesebio with 9 goals in 1966

Germany's Gerd Muller with 10 in 1970

Gary Linekar with 6 for England in 1986

Hristo Stoichkov got 6 for Bulgaria in 1994

Ronaldo with 8 for Brazil in 2002

Those Fulfilling Their Potential

Players that won the boot expectedly but not a favourite;-

Grzegorz Lato of Poland with 7 goals in 1974

Mario Kempes with 6 for Argentina on home soil in 1978 (Kempes had failed to register in the 1974 World Cup or even in the 1978 group stages!)

Paolo Rossi with 6 for Italy in 1986 (Rossi had to serve a 2 year suspension for being involved in a betting scandal in the lead up to the World Cup finals and again, he didn't score in the group stages!)

Davor Suker with 6 for 3rd placed Croatia in 1998

Miroslav Klose with 5 for Germany in 2006 (Klose also scored 5 in 2002, all with his head!)

The Unknown

Players that no-one had heard of before the finals, came, set the world alight, then did nothing again after;-

Salvatore Schillachi scored 6 goals for Italy at Italia 90 (Schillachi only made his debut in the group stages and played 16 times in total for Italy, scoring only one more goal following the World Cup)

The Lucky One But Who No-one Knows

Oleg Salenko, scored 6 goals for Russia in the 1994 World Cup, finishing joint top scorer with Hristo Stoichkov (Salenko scored 5 goals against Cameroon and an additional penalty against Sweden. Salenko didn't score in any other game other than these two in the entire international career)

Based on the above, it would seem that more often than not, the cream tends to rise to the top. The Golden boot winner comes from the usual list of favourites nearly every time, the likes of Spain's Fernando Torres and David Villa, Fabiano of Brazil, Cristiano Ronaldo of Portugal, current holder of the award, Klose of Germany, Argentina's Lionel Messi and Wayne Rooney of England. Of that list, Ronaldo and Messi have been in blistering form for their club sides this season, though they both can struggle to replicate on the international stage. Torres and Rooney are heading back to full fitness from injuries and Klose has even been struggling to make the first team for his club side, Bayern Munich. This leaves Fabiano and Villa, both with high scoring records this season. Other mentions are Argentina's Carlos Tevez, Ivory Coast's Didier Drogba, in fact the list can go on.

As for a downright lucky winner, well, let's hope this accolade can go to an Englishman at least who's barrage of goals propels us into the final, Peter Crouch anyone.........?!